What Would I Do Without You? Let’s Talk About It
Getting your affairs in order—whether you call it estate planning, end-of-life planning, what-if planning, or just being proactive—should be a three-part process for any couple:
A plan for when you die.
A plan for when your partner dies.
A plan for if you both die together.
We often liken end-of-life planning to a sports coach developing their game plan. In that spirit, think of your plan for when you die as your offensive strategy. You're taking initiative: making clear decisions about what you want for your body, your funeral, your possessions, and putting legal documents in place to carry out those wishes.
But when your partner dies first, you're now on defense—grieving, reacting to circumstances you didn't choose, and trying to protect yourself and your family in a vulnerable moment. Having a plan in place for that scenario gives you access to the financial, legal, emotional, and practical support you’ll need to move forward.
The best way to create strong offensive and defensive strategies is to plan together. Take time to talk honestly about what life would look like without the other. It might feel uncomfortable, but it’s one of the most loving, empowering things you can do for each other.
Using our Five Pillars of Preparation as a guide, here are some questions to help you imagine your life if your partner were to die first:
Financial
How would I replace the income lost if you died?
What new expenses would I face because of your death?
(e.g. funeral costs, childcare, therapy, insurance changes, job training, etc.)Would I need to change jobs—or start working—based on our new family needs?
Would I want or need to move into a different home?
What financial support is already in place, and what needs to be added (like life insurance)?
Legal
Are there assets or accounts in your name only that I’ll need access to?
If so, are the correct legal documents—like power of attorney or beneficiary forms—already completed?Do I know who you want to inherit your possessions, and are those wishes documented?
Is your will current, and do I know where to find it?
Have you named guardians for our children, if needed?
Mental / Emotional / Spiritual
What are your beliefs about the afterlife, if any?
What do you want for me and the kids emotionally and spiritually after you’re gone?
What do you hope your family remembers most about you?
How would you like us to honor your memory on special dates—your birthday, our anniversary, your death date, holidays?
Are there any letters, recordings, or legacy messages you want to leave behind?
Practical
What chores or responsibilities do you manage that I may not fully understand?
Are there any household tasks I would need help learning—like managing our finances, filing taxes, or maintaining the car?
If I choose to outsource certain tasks, do you have recommendations for who to hire or trust?
Where do you keep important documents, passwords, or account info?
Is there anyone I should notify if you die—like business partners, friends, or extended family?
Self-Care / Medical Decisions
What do you want done with your body? (e.g. burial, cremation, aquamation, natural burial, body donation, etc.)
Where would you want your body or ashes to be placed or memorialized?
If you’re incapacitated, under what circumstances do you want to be kept alive at all costs?
Do I know your advance directive and healthcare wishes, and are they written down?
As hard as it may be to imagine life without each other, these questions lead to powerful clarity. They help determine what documents you’ll need, how much life insurance to purchase, and what resources should be in place to support your family through the unthinkable.
One tool that can help spark these conversations in a meaningful (and sometimes surprisingly fun) way is The Death Deck, a card game that brings humor and honesty to an otherwise taboo topic. Use code PREPARE20 at thedeathdeck.com for 20% off your purchase.
It’s not about being morbid. It’s about being prepared—and giving your partner the gift of peace in the worst-case scenario.
Talk it out. Write it down. Prepare your affairs.
Best regards,
Corey
Need help putting your plan into action?
Download our free Planning Conversation Starters to help you and your partner begin these important discussions—without the overwhelm.
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Ready to go one step further?
Our Family Care Manual walks you through every detail—financial, legal, practical, and emotional—so you can leave a clear roadmap for your loved ones.
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